A Blend Of One Thing

The pressure you feel shall be constant. But you may choose the manner in which you are squeezed. You may elect sound pressure in the form of Adele, Lady Gaga, Adele, Katy Perry, Adele, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Adele and a host of other horrible, unnamed Bringer(s) of Torture or you may elect physical pressure in the form of shooting earmuffs. Please enjoy the rumble and eustachian tube pressure. Try not to go insane. Try not to smash things. Try not to ferment with hate. Good luck with that.

New Buggy Whip Models Shipping

Can a person wait years to update a highly unpopular blog and then populate said update with nothing of consequence? It would seem so! By golly, this is cause for celebration! The Fields Of The Nephilim kind though, not the Kool & The Gang kind.

Horn Tooter

Now I'm not one to toot my own horn but I'm tooting my horn anyway and you will damn well like it. Or not. Eighty-nine peole and growing cannot possibly be wrong can they? When a lot of people like something, that makes it true. I'm pretty sure that how it works, aina? The point is, bringing laughter and levity to the world is what I'm all about. What can I say, I just love people. Well, some people at least. At least 89 people.

http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?threaded=1&v=ywE6aA4ul4w

Unfortunately a proper threaded view in YT is a little hard to come by, but hopefully you'll get the gist. Actually I think it is a PEBCAK error, because some people reply to the root and some people reply to the comment even though the content of their comments is usually directed at a specific commenter's comment. I hope that sentence contained enough inadvertent alliteration to annoy you just slightly. The name you are looking for is spamsponge, that's me. Whatever you do, never use your real name on the internet, you'll get fired, the universe could blow up, or worse!

The point is, I rule. +89 Up votes. *pat pat, pat pat* Thanks to this direct injection of sarcasm, the voodoo practice of reflexology has been taken down a peg as confirmed by the Big Book Of Facts (2011 Edition). Huzzah!

This is my 2nd 15 minutes of (worthless) fame, the first being the Elemental Voice audiophile products, which brought levity and laughter to the world, including Israel which I regrettably can't read. This is more interactive, though. I love it when other people add to the riff. What can I say, I'm all about jazz. Oh wait no, no I'm not. But riffing neverthless. It doesn't HAVE to be that round robin everyone-take-a-solo jazz thing to count as riffing you know.

Apologist Fodder For Grammatical Relativism?

You've probably seen this clever gobbledegook floating about:

AOCDRNDICG TO RSCHEEARCH AT CMABRIGDE UINERVTISY, IT DSENO'T MTAETR WAHT OERDR THE LTTERES IN A WROD ARE, THE OLNY IPROAMTNT TIHNG IS TAHT THE FRSIT AND LSAT LTTEER BE IN THE RGHIT PCLAE. TIHS IS BCUSEAE THE HUAMN MNID DEOS NOT RAED ERVEY LTETER BY ISTLEF, BUT THE WROD AS A WLOHE. IF YOU CAN RAED TIHS, PSOT IT TO YUOR WLAL. OLNY 55% OF PLEPOE CAN

Although it does work, you can read it and thus is sort of a fascinating little bit of trivia, I've always felt resentment at this paragraph because it seems to offer philosophical fodder to the lazy apologists for bad spelling that always creep out of the internet's woodwork. I know that probably isn't the intention of the person re-posting the paragraph, nor is it the intention of the research (assuming it is real research, but it doesn't especially matter) but it nevertheless has always stuck in my craw.

Maybe what bothers me is that the paragraph promotes the idea that the end justifies the means. Or maybe that what's on the outside is what counts, not the what's inside, the content. It forsakes true integrity for an illusion which our brains are still able to decode. That is often what happens with careless spelling, even with the most vulgar violations of language (i.e. YouTube comments) the painful truth is that often you CAN read it and understand it. But is that what's important? Does the end truly justify the means?

Luckily to spell in this manner would require even more work than it would take for bad spellers to correct their work. (I am not sure what the pattern is, but I think it must be a script you run with a Regular Expressions find\replace—something I regrettably never fully got the hang of) So there's no real danger of people feeling they can somehow relax and only put the first and last letters in the right place when they write; but I can see how it could be trotted out as a "Ha-Ha-You-Suck-For-Correcting-Me" insult by the ignorant-and-proud bad speller.

Each word in the paragraph is spelled wrong, but it becomes a code which can be translated with near-equal speed. Perhaps since there is a more regular pattern to the errors than there are in casual use spelling mistakes our brains are able to more easily apply a "noise correction" filter to the incoming data.

As of yet I have not heard anyone actually use the paragraph as an apology for their own errors, so this may all be wild projection on my part, but it is something I have worried about. The world is full of errors and so it can be painful to see error celebrated with a casual cheeriness in e-mail forwards.

A Subtle Difference

Ahh yes, it all becomes clear now. Thank you, Microsoft Xbox documentation!

Hiding In Plain Sight

As a fan of heavy metal you may think you've heard all possible permutations of religious\satanic lyrics that could ever be. But then along comes this new album by Atheist "Jupiter" (which ain't bad by the way) which features the tune "Faux King Christ". The chorus is "Jesus Faux King Christ". That's so brilliantly clever but obvious, why the hell hasn't someone thought of it before? Why the hell didn't I think of it? I guess for the same reason I don't have an all-red painting in the modern art museum. It's good, perhaps even Sofa King good. Plus, it's got woodblock on it! Can't hardly get that on a metal record these days. Even a strange Faux Vinyl Surface Noise segment too, which I don't entirely understand.

You may want to play it back to back with Weedeater's "For Evan's Sake".

Best Buy\Monster Cable Anecdote + Rant

I went to Best Buy to purchase a Toslink audio cable for my mom's audio system. She has this moderately problematic Sony system which is an integrated Blu-Ray player and 5-channel amplifier. To be perfectly honest I am confused by all the gozintas and gozouttas and haven't put together a proper mental model of how to connect it all in my head, as I can do with my own equipment at home. The thing does this sporadic muting thing, I don't know what its problem is. Anyway, I wanted to try connecting the cable box via Toslink rather than using the HDMI to see if that works.

So I go into the local Best Buy and head towards the audio section. I see the cables and know I am only one aisle away from what I want. A young Best Buy clerk says, "Can I help you sir" and instead of saying "No thank you!" like I should have I said, "Yeah, I'm looking for an optical audio cable." So we walk over to the other side of the shelf and whaddaya know, audio cables.

"So what do you want? Six foot? Four foot? Good? Bad?" he asks.

I am now perfectly happy to look through the selection by myself and have no further use for this guy.

"Thanks!" I say.

"The Monster cable is good."

"No, I'm not buying anything from Monster."

"Why not? They make the best cables around." he says matter of factly.

"They're bullies. They go around suing other companies."

"Well, AT&T is successful too, what's wrong with that?"

"AT&T doesn't sue unrelated companies that have names which might sound something like "at & t"

"No, they just buy them out!"

I say nothing and continue looking.

"Well let me know if you have any questions".
----------------
It's so annoying. Yes, I'm sure Monster makes prefectly fine products, but so do plenty of companies. Ones that DON'T use the legal system as their own personal cudgel. They're good at marketing, which is what the majority of the audio industry is built on. Nothing immoral about that, but Monster just has an especially icky affinity for targeting uninformed, non-technically minded folks at big box stores and selling them on this superfluous bling and packaging. Sending out your vulture lawyers to harass folks for imaginary branding infringements is fucking bullshit any way you slice it. I don't give a fuck about the laws, it's basic common sense. That kind of behavior is just plain nasty.

Fundamentally it's not Monster's fault, it's the existence of a band of criminals and miscreants otherwise known as the government. Sure Boromir didn't make the ring of power, he may not be as evil as Sauron himself, but he's still a dick for wanting to use that power. (and unlike Boromir, Monster did actually use the hell out of the ring) Just because a library full of shitty laws can cast magic spells to make suing unthreatening companies with the name "monster" in them "okay" doesn't make it okay.

So anyway, I grabbed the cheapest cable they had and bought the damn thing. It's light fer Pete's sake. A blinking light shone through fiber optic cable. Whoop de doo. It either transmits a signal or it doesn't. And if there IS evidence that one brand is objectively better than another I can guarantee you my mom won't notice. (no offense ma, I probably couldn't either)

So anyway, here's hoping the "cheap" Toslink does the trick. And to all litigious assholes everywhere: get a real job!

Spoung

SPOUNG
verb
To make sounds which are a combination of singing and speaking.
e.g. "The vocals on this song should be spoung."
e.g. "David Tibet's spounging can be heard on numerous albums."

SPOUNGKEN
adjective
The sound made by the human voice between singing and speaking.
e.g. "The spoungken section of the song starts at two minutes."

Transitional Format Thinking

Why does an electric car need a plug that pretends to be a gas pump nozzle?

https://www.homecharging.spx.com/smart/

What other cord has that much of a handle on it? Cripes! What's wrong with a nice Speakon-like design?

The Great Count Raven Lifeguard Question

On the new job on the beach I find you there.

or

On the new job, on the beach I find you there.

???

"Let The Dead Bury The Dead"
from 1992's Destruction Of The Void

Since a person cannot sing a comma, this leaves the great question of our time up for grabs.

To Kill A Child!?

Looks like I got the answer I was looking for regarding at least one of the new Count Raven songs, in this case "To Kill A Child". But the answer is FUCKED UP! I came across this little interview.

"...It deals with my handicapped child who no longer gets any help from the Swedish government, same as any other handicapped in Sweden. So, my outside world must change, or else I run the risk of having to end my child's life by my own hand before I get too old. Jesus once said, ‘See what is in front of you, identify it, and speak the truth.’ This is what is lacking in society today. If people acted for each other, the devil could not run this planet as smoothly as he does today. People have to start seeing outside their little boxes. If you don't, you’re not living.”

To Kill A Child
[written by Dan Fondelius]

I remember the day that you were born
Your eyes looked at my soul
I was so proud, that I kissed the sky
Little then did I know

Why, oh why, must this world force me to kill my child
I can no longer hide, the eternal pain that I feel inside

They said she was autistic, and silent as the night
I said it is alright
My heart is like the universe, that is endlessly
She'll be alright with me

The trees speak to me of sadness
Of world that wasn't meant to be
The creation is in entire madness
We don't know love, so we don't see
But that is another story
And it doesn't set me free
Neither God or humans help me
Am I bound to destiny?

Years have passed without help from anyone
This road I walked alone
I look upon the world, where no one's ever won
Then I blow her brain with my gun

Why, oh why, must this world force me to kill my child
Why, oh why, the only song this world ever sung, goodbye!

[Spoken:]
She's out of touch, out of reach, not one of us -
She is free, so she has to be punished by all of us
The father kills the son, the father kills her -
Not because of her, but because of you
Because of all of you, who refuse to do even the smallest thing for your next!
The time and clock is ticking for you my child -
Because they won't, they don't care about you!
Soon I will have your blood on my hands.
I'll be thrown in jail -
They will point their fingers at me
They will judge me, as they have, judged you -
As they will be judged, by you, and God!

That anyone would actually openly say they would consider shooting their own kid and put it to song no less…I dunno what to say. It's so messed up on so many levels. Count Raven surely does not fuck around when it comes to lyrics. Normally we assume that art has a buffer zone of metaphor between our world and the song's world, but clearly in this case there is none. Scary.

This also brings light to the song "Ode To Rebecca" which must be the child in question. Fer cripes sakes man, don't shoot your daughter! Geez.

New Count Raven "Mammon's War"

I got a new Count Raven CD. Sometimes, well most times when a band goes away for many years and comes back, they usually suck. But this new one fits in real nice with the old shit. That's nice to see. I still wince at some of the lyrics, though. Not because I disagree with them, but because I disagree with SOME of them, which is worse. If this was a Fred Phelps Sings CD it would be painlessly easy to dismiss, but when there's good shit mixed in with religious nonsense the aforementioned wincing can occur. But no matter. They're still rocking the brown\orange color scheme, Photoshoppy but not TOO Photoshoppy cover art, still using the same logo and the inlay is well done without modern-looking fonts. There were always some synth pieces in Count Raven and there's a bit more on this one too.

If I had my way I would wish for a return to the dual vocalist swap action they had on the first record, which gave one a bit of reprise from the constant Fodde upper register Ozzy strain (just try singing along once, you'll know what I mean. That dude's whipping out the belt for sure!) Perhaps I miss the kick drum triplets with this new drummer, but it's not a major concern. Dan Fondelius is obviously the sound of Count Raven, regardless of the rest of the band being new. Sorry, rest of the band. Ooops, for a second I forgot that I wasn't talking to myself. How embarassing! Ahh the blog, who would have thought that publishing to the entire world was equally as safe from prying eyes as a young girl's most secret of diaries locked away in a case under her bed? Whoops, tangent. Anyway, if you get a chance buy the entire Count Raven discography. Well, you can skip that one which was in mono. Sheesh! Mono! Can you believe that crap?

Didja Get All That?

Note: If you are using more than one Mini DisplayPort to Single-Link DVI adapter, only two displays are supported across the three ports. To connect up to two Mini DisplayPort displays and up to a 30-inch DVI display simultaneously, use the ports without any adapters. To connect two DVI displays, use the dual-link DVI port and the Apple Mini DisplayPort to DVI Adapter or the Apple Mini DisplayPort to Dual-Link DVI Adapter (sold separately). To connect three DVI displays at once, you must use two Apple Mini DisplayPort to Dual-Link DVI Adapters (sold separately). To connect up to three VGA displays simultaneously, use the Mini DisplayPort to VGA adapter and DVI to VGA adapters (sold separately).

Some People…

Sometimes I cannot believe what sort of technically inept dopes work in the publishing business. Like how about the MAGAZINE who requested high res files from us, I sent them native TIFF and Photoshop EPS files (1.3MB in a Zip file) and this dude says, "Photos of new products are best sent to us as .jpg files." I mean, what the fuck? Is this your first day with the computer machine? Still using Microsoft Bob? Christ almighty...

The Pain of Count Raven Lyrics

I have used the username "countraven" for a number of online sites for many years. Count Raven is a Swedish Doom Metal band which I liked, and still like for that matter. But for the record I am strongly opposed to many of the themes contained in their lyrics. But it's painful because they mix good stuff in with the crazy, and inconsistenly as well. In fact things start out pretty horribly from the first song, "True Revelation" I have bolded and italicized the most ghastly bits.

True Revelation

A new time has come, a new time is here
the one from the pit has risen and soon he'll make us fear
This is the time yeah this is the time now listen to this song
I'm gonna tell You a little story foretold by the prophet John

It started after the war when Israel got their land
It was the new beginning for today's modern man
Foretold two thousand years ago, now we know it's real
They've ruturned to their land on Silverbirds with wings of steel

The year is 1989 the news shocked us today
the Berlin Wall has fallen as many Germans prayed
Revolution in the Eastern block we can't believe our eyes
It's not the usual situation of the average media lies

True Revelation that comes to every nation
True Revelation that comes to every nation

The future that is coming up holds new hope for our World
All will say "PEACE NOW" and weeping won't be heard
Then a young man comes out of Egypt, he'll unite the
Middle-East a fair politician our new holy priest
The World will be amazed "What an incredible man!" he'll
confirm the alliance, all religions will shake hands
There will be one economy and we will all be free
No more creditcards that he can guarantee

The system that is coming up will really end this hell
A mark on hand or forehead or You can't buy or sell

True Revelation that comes to every nation
A new Manifestation the chosen aggrivation

This is the future that You look into and there is nothing that You can do
His next seven years will really be something else, Y'know
People will be stunned and say: "Way to Go!"
Now all is good and everything is fine, at last we will have some
peace of mind Relax and take it easy in your seats and count
in the number of the Beast

True Revelation that comes to every nation
It'll shake the foundation, in fact the whole Creation

Hear me now, all people, this is what I say: If Your heart
loves the Lord than You will be O.K.
In this time of knowledge and love for our world, for Mother Earth
we all fight, our voices can be heard
The World will be a better place, East and West shaking hands
In front of a Worldwide Government we all have to stand
Yeah, soon we'll have a fair world and things look better for You
Then along comes the One - You know who

True Revelation the Final Tribulation
True Revelation Gods Manifestation

So world government is somehow "good" but then on the same record they tell us,

Can't believe there is a future
for the children of today
Corrupted politicians are standing in their way
don't let the system fool You,
all that they want is to rule You

This verse sounds great, but to nitpick I suppose one could infer that only "corrupted" politicians are the problem, as if the position was not inherently corrupt by nature. But I will take it at face value. But then they throw it back over to religion. *sigh* So frustrating.

They're blinding their eyes for glory,
a brief moment of success
Is all their fame and fortune a substitute for happiness?

For once in their lives, why can't they realize?
The answer is love, Yeah love!

Oh Father, whom art in heaven
behold this world in need
of peace and understanding
instead of hate and greed
Choose the way that's in Your heart.

Ghost - Opus Eponymous

As a general practice, my consumption of new music has gone WAY DOWN since the 'Eldar Days' of high school (Ahh, the fond memories of scouring each music store in Northridge Mall for Kreator cassettes!) But occasionally I will come across something interesting. Lately that something has been this new flux of "retro" sounding metal acts. Witchcraft was the first one, then Blood Ceremony and now Ghost. I have to say, Ghost is freaggin' amazing. This has every right to be popular. Nine songs on the record, and seven of them are near-instant hits. You want to talk about HOOKY CHORUSES? Oh my gawd! Ghost has them. I can see no reason why whatever crap Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber are putting out couldn't be replaced with Ghost's "Death Knell". Listen to that chorus! That's satanic POP MUSIC folks!

I've got nothing against the use of nonsense themes in music if done well, but the only thing which sort of bugs me is that Satanism is such an overtapped well. If Ghost sang about some other mythology it might be cool, but when the execution is THIS GOOD I can let it slide. Watching a live video of them made me strongly wish they would get some of those oafs to grab a mic and sing some goddamn backup vocals. If any band needs to "blast forth with three part harmony" it's Ghost. That would be sweet.

You owe it to yourself to have a listen to this record. I won't go into whatever influences they may or may not be using, but quite frankly I don't care. Okay, so Mercyful Fate…some have said Blue Oyster Cult, not sure about that. Okay, I'll stop now. I just like what I hear. And it's got cool cover art. (The only reason I even know about Blood Ceremony and Ghost in the first place.) I was a little worried about the 2x4 nature of the waveform, but to be fair it's got fine tooth comb action going on. Can't have everything I guess.

Webpage With Non-HelveticaTimesVerdana FONT Discovered

It's not Helvetica! Whoah. Oh, and this particular page has a Ghost review, which I am currently listening to.

http://www.doommantia.com/2010/10/ghost-opus-eponymous.html

Poetry: A Fine Mullet

A fine mullet is his mighty hair
A dual do to please all those aware
Face front towards Granny and you'll be all right
Rebel longshanks out back with the boys
A direct link between hair and propriety
Grandmother's brain is of the garden variety
And yet disapproval would be unthinkable
Fearful to fully state your preference
Learn this hard won fashion lesson
The best of both worlds is now within your possession

The tools and talent of the barber make possible
This schizophrenic hirsuite social cranial sculpture
Lest a side turn ponytail be revealed to the kin
Create a distraction or they'll do you in
Hide Grandmother's glasses to buy some time
The myth of turkey sopophoric is believed
The comfy chair beckons for Grandmother's egress

Now unfurled shall be the unholy shag
Drinking of beers and girlie mags
Get your guitar and belt out some hymns
Clever titled tunes about bars and women
All the while the fine mullet shines
Sleeveless shall you be 'til the end of time

Assume The Position

How much are you willing to put up with? Is 50% not too much, cause they can make it higher. Oh, and they WILL make it higher. Just remain calm and continue paying. You don't want to be dead or in jail now do you? Didn't think so. So keep that money coming in, keep up that milk production. Their hands do not tire of squeezing, the tendons are like hydraulic pistons. The pistons are lubricated with your toil, with the value you bring to the world. They will take your worth and forge it into chains and you will fucking cheer about it. That one over there, he is not cheering about his chains, lynch him! We need some more buckets over here, we found a new teat to suck. Oh and the milk is so sweet!

Jerking My Chain

Legacy Evidence: More liberal, cool designs rejected, conservative ones accepted

My Legacy Practice: Submit more conservative designs

Their New Directive: New Design Desired! I don't know what, just something new.

My New Practice: Apprehensively design a variety of moderately more liberal designs.

Their Next Suggestion: Not radical enough! "I WANT TO GET YOU TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!" -Direct quote from management

My New Practice: Design cool, balanced new designs which are both conservative and liberal at the same time and which I am proud of.

Their Next Suggestion: Looks good, but try one version with a SLIGHT alteration to the legacy design

Final analysis: All new designs REJECTED, please continue to "develop" the SLIGHT alteration version.

!!!FUCK!!!