Gee, Thanks Allah

Even more difficult to believe than the idea of some supreme god who created the universe are the texts allegedly written by these deities. I started reading the Koran and it is equally if not more mind-numbingly dull and pointless as the Bible is. I can't get past Genesis in the Bible and I couldn't get past "The Cow" in the Koran. Truly, it might as well just say, "Blah blah blah". It all just starts with a bang, single phrases thrown at you with no set up or explanation whatsoever. But nevermind that, it's not supposed to be entertaining or interesting, this is the Word Of God, right? The most important thing you could possibly read! Wow, it must be good.

Already, right out of the gate I've been doomed as a non-believer within the first ten verses. Just listen to this rubbish, if you don't fall asleep first:

[2.1] Alif Lam Mim.
[2.2] This Book, there is no doubt in it, is a guide to those who guard (against evil).
[2.3] Those who believe in the unseen and keep up prayer and spend out of what We have given them.
[2.4] And who believe in that which has been revealed to you and that which was revealed before you and they are sure of the hereafter.
[2.5] These are on a right course from their Lord and these it is that shall be successful.
[2.6] Surely those who disbelieve, it being alike to them whether you warn them, or do not warn them, will not believe.
[2.7] Allah has set a seal upon their hearts and upon their hearing and there is a covering over their eyes, and there is a great punishment for them.
[2.8] And there are some people who say: We believe in Allah and the last day; and they are not at all believers.
[2.9] They desire to deceive Allah and those who believe, and they deceive only themselves and they do not perceive.
[2.10] There is a disease in their hearts, so Allah added to their disease and they shall have a painful chastisement because they lied.

So much for free will! Allah has made me this way, I can't do anything about it and I'm gonna be tortured for it! Geez. Muslims supposedly want everyone else to convert to Islam but what about Allah making us this way? It sounds like we've got no control over our destiny. Oh don't worry, I'm sure there's another verse for that. These singular holy texts written by the single holy dude have an odd way of containing multiple meanings and interpretations. Hardly the clear, concise instruction a deity would need to communicate his big divine plan to the masses.

Why isn't there a "God Language" and why don't newborn babies speak and understand it? If there is one god shouldn't there be ONE common language? Why don't humans innately understand Arabic? Oh wait, now I remember:

BECAUSE THEY MADE THIS SHIT UP!

Ahh, it all makes sense now. How this mindless garbage still survives in the modern world I will never understand. We need to grow up, folks. Luckily there's plenty of GOOD literature around, and we needn't slaughter each other over it. Take "The Silmarillion" for instance. Why can't this become a religion? Tolkien writes more interesting stuff than anything in the Bible or Koran. And let's give him credit, the Silmarillion IS a tremendously dry tome. Plus it starts out with a creation story and everything. Come on folks, let's all switch to Illuvatar worship! Hooray!