The Great Count Raven Lifeguard Question

On the new job on the beach I find you there.

or

On the new job, on the beach I find you there.

???

"Let The Dead Bury The Dead"
from 1992's Destruction Of The Void

Since a person cannot sing a comma, this leaves the great question of our time up for grabs.

To Kill A Child!?

Looks like I got the answer I was looking for regarding at least one of the new Count Raven songs, in this case "To Kill A Child". But the answer is FUCKED UP! I came across this little interview.

"...It deals with my handicapped child who no longer gets any help from the Swedish government, same as any other handicapped in Sweden. So, my outside world must change, or else I run the risk of having to end my child's life by my own hand before I get too old. Jesus once said, ‘See what is in front of you, identify it, and speak the truth.’ This is what is lacking in society today. If people acted for each other, the devil could not run this planet as smoothly as he does today. People have to start seeing outside their little boxes. If you don't, you’re not living.”

To Kill A Child
[written by Dan Fondelius]

I remember the day that you were born
Your eyes looked at my soul
I was so proud, that I kissed the sky
Little then did I know

Why, oh why, must this world force me to kill my child
I can no longer hide, the eternal pain that I feel inside

They said she was autistic, and silent as the night
I said it is alright
My heart is like the universe, that is endlessly
She'll be alright with me

The trees speak to me of sadness
Of world that wasn't meant to be
The creation is in entire madness
We don't know love, so we don't see
But that is another story
And it doesn't set me free
Neither God or humans help me
Am I bound to destiny?

Years have passed without help from anyone
This road I walked alone
I look upon the world, where no one's ever won
Then I blow her brain with my gun

Why, oh why, must this world force me to kill my child
Why, oh why, the only song this world ever sung, goodbye!

[Spoken:]
She's out of touch, out of reach, not one of us -
She is free, so she has to be punished by all of us
The father kills the son, the father kills her -
Not because of her, but because of you
Because of all of you, who refuse to do even the smallest thing for your next!
The time and clock is ticking for you my child -
Because they won't, they don't care about you!
Soon I will have your blood on my hands.
I'll be thrown in jail -
They will point their fingers at me
They will judge me, as they have, judged you -
As they will be judged, by you, and God!

That anyone would actually openly say they would consider shooting their own kid and put it to song no less…I dunno what to say. It's so messed up on so many levels. Count Raven surely does not fuck around when it comes to lyrics. Normally we assume that art has a buffer zone of metaphor between our world and the song's world, but clearly in this case there is none. Scary.

This also brings light to the song "Ode To Rebecca" which must be the child in question. Fer cripes sakes man, don't shoot your daughter! Geez.

New Count Raven "Mammon's War"

I got a new Count Raven CD. Sometimes, well most times when a band goes away for many years and comes back, they usually suck. But this new one fits in real nice with the old shit. That's nice to see. I still wince at some of the lyrics, though. Not because I disagree with them, but because I disagree with SOME of them, which is worse. If this was a Fred Phelps Sings CD it would be painlessly easy to dismiss, but when there's good shit mixed in with religious nonsense the aforementioned wincing can occur. But no matter. They're still rocking the brown\orange color scheme, Photoshoppy but not TOO Photoshoppy cover art, still using the same logo and the inlay is well done without modern-looking fonts. There were always some synth pieces in Count Raven and there's a bit more on this one too.

If I had my way I would wish for a return to the dual vocalist swap action they had on the first record, which gave one a bit of reprise from the constant Fodde upper register Ozzy strain (just try singing along once, you'll know what I mean. That dude's whipping out the belt for sure!) Perhaps I miss the kick drum triplets with this new drummer, but it's not a major concern. Dan Fondelius is obviously the sound of Count Raven, regardless of the rest of the band being new. Sorry, rest of the band. Ooops, for a second I forgot that I wasn't talking to myself. How embarassing! Ahh the blog, who would have thought that publishing to the entire world was equally as safe from prying eyes as a young girl's most secret of diaries locked away in a case under her bed? Whoops, tangent. Anyway, if you get a chance buy the entire Count Raven discography. Well, you can skip that one which was in mono. Sheesh! Mono! Can you believe that crap?

Didja Get All That?

Note: If you are using more than one Mini DisplayPort to Single-Link DVI adapter, only two displays are supported across the three ports. To connect up to two Mini DisplayPort displays and up to a 30-inch DVI display simultaneously, use the ports without any adapters. To connect two DVI displays, use the dual-link DVI port and the Apple Mini DisplayPort to DVI Adapter or the Apple Mini DisplayPort to Dual-Link DVI Adapter (sold separately). To connect three DVI displays at once, you must use two Apple Mini DisplayPort to Dual-Link DVI Adapters (sold separately). To connect up to three VGA displays simultaneously, use the Mini DisplayPort to VGA adapter and DVI to VGA adapters (sold separately).

Some People…

Sometimes I cannot believe what sort of technically inept dopes work in the publishing business. Like how about the MAGAZINE who requested high res files from us, I sent them native TIFF and Photoshop EPS files (1.3MB in a Zip file) and this dude says, "Photos of new products are best sent to us as .jpg files." I mean, what the fuck? Is this your first day with the computer machine? Still using Microsoft Bob? Christ almighty...

The Pain of Count Raven Lyrics

I have used the username "countraven" for a number of online sites for many years. Count Raven is a Swedish Doom Metal band which I liked, and still like for that matter. But for the record I am strongly opposed to many of the themes contained in their lyrics. But it's painful because they mix good stuff in with the crazy, and inconsistenly as well. In fact things start out pretty horribly from the first song, "True Revelation" I have bolded and italicized the most ghastly bits.

True Revelation

A new time has come, a new time is here
the one from the pit has risen and soon he'll make us fear
This is the time yeah this is the time now listen to this song
I'm gonna tell You a little story foretold by the prophet John

It started after the war when Israel got their land
It was the new beginning for today's modern man
Foretold two thousand years ago, now we know it's real
They've ruturned to their land on Silverbirds with wings of steel

The year is 1989 the news shocked us today
the Berlin Wall has fallen as many Germans prayed
Revolution in the Eastern block we can't believe our eyes
It's not the usual situation of the average media lies

True Revelation that comes to every nation
True Revelation that comes to every nation

The future that is coming up holds new hope for our World
All will say "PEACE NOW" and weeping won't be heard
Then a young man comes out of Egypt, he'll unite the
Middle-East a fair politician our new holy priest
The World will be amazed "What an incredible man!" he'll
confirm the alliance, all religions will shake hands
There will be one economy and we will all be free
No more creditcards that he can guarantee

The system that is coming up will really end this hell
A mark on hand or forehead or You can't buy or sell

True Revelation that comes to every nation
A new Manifestation the chosen aggrivation

This is the future that You look into and there is nothing that You can do
His next seven years will really be something else, Y'know
People will be stunned and say: "Way to Go!"
Now all is good and everything is fine, at last we will have some
peace of mind Relax and take it easy in your seats and count
in the number of the Beast

True Revelation that comes to every nation
It'll shake the foundation, in fact the whole Creation

Hear me now, all people, this is what I say: If Your heart
loves the Lord than You will be O.K.
In this time of knowledge and love for our world, for Mother Earth
we all fight, our voices can be heard
The World will be a better place, East and West shaking hands
In front of a Worldwide Government we all have to stand
Yeah, soon we'll have a fair world and things look better for You
Then along comes the One - You know who

True Revelation the Final Tribulation
True Revelation Gods Manifestation

So world government is somehow "good" but then on the same record they tell us,

Can't believe there is a future
for the children of today
Corrupted politicians are standing in their way
don't let the system fool You,
all that they want is to rule You

This verse sounds great, but to nitpick I suppose one could infer that only "corrupted" politicians are the problem, as if the position was not inherently corrupt by nature. But I will take it at face value. But then they throw it back over to religion. *sigh* So frustrating.

They're blinding their eyes for glory,
a brief moment of success
Is all their fame and fortune a substitute for happiness?

For once in their lives, why can't they realize?
The answer is love, Yeah love!

Oh Father, whom art in heaven
behold this world in need
of peace and understanding
instead of hate and greed
Choose the way that's in Your heart.

Ghost - Opus Eponymous

As a general practice, my consumption of new music has gone WAY DOWN since the 'Eldar Days' of high school (Ahh, the fond memories of scouring each music store in Northridge Mall for Kreator cassettes!) But occasionally I will come across something interesting. Lately that something has been this new flux of "retro" sounding metal acts. Witchcraft was the first one, then Blood Ceremony and now Ghost. I have to say, Ghost is freaggin' amazing. This has every right to be popular. Nine songs on the record, and seven of them are near-instant hits. You want to talk about HOOKY CHORUSES? Oh my gawd! Ghost has them. I can see no reason why whatever crap Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber are putting out couldn't be replaced with Ghost's "Death Knell". Listen to that chorus! That's satanic POP MUSIC folks!

I've got nothing against the use of nonsense themes in music if done well, but the only thing which sort of bugs me is that Satanism is such an overtapped well. If Ghost sang about some other mythology it might be cool, but when the execution is THIS GOOD I can let it slide. Watching a live video of them made me strongly wish they would get some of those oafs to grab a mic and sing some goddamn backup vocals. If any band needs to "blast forth with three part harmony" it's Ghost. That would be sweet.

You owe it to yourself to have a listen to this record. I won't go into whatever influences they may or may not be using, but quite frankly I don't care. Okay, so Mercyful Fate…some have said Blue Oyster Cult, not sure about that. Okay, I'll stop now. I just like what I hear. And it's got cool cover art. (The only reason I even know about Blood Ceremony and Ghost in the first place.) I was a little worried about the 2x4 nature of the waveform, but to be fair it's got fine tooth comb action going on. Can't have everything I guess.

Webpage With Non-HelveticaTimesVerdana FONT Discovered

It's not Helvetica! Whoah. Oh, and this particular page has a Ghost review, which I am currently listening to.

http://www.doommantia.com/2010/10/ghost-opus-eponymous.html

Poetry: A Fine Mullet

A fine mullet is his mighty hair
A dual do to please all those aware
Face front towards Granny and you'll be all right
Rebel longshanks out back with the boys
A direct link between hair and propriety
Grandmother's brain is of the garden variety
And yet disapproval would be unthinkable
Fearful to fully state your preference
Learn this hard won fashion lesson
The best of both worlds is now within your possession

The tools and talent of the barber make possible
This schizophrenic hirsuite social cranial sculpture
Lest a side turn ponytail be revealed to the kin
Create a distraction or they'll do you in
Hide Grandmother's glasses to buy some time
The myth of turkey sopophoric is believed
The comfy chair beckons for Grandmother's egress

Now unfurled shall be the unholy shag
Drinking of beers and girlie mags
Get your guitar and belt out some hymns
Clever titled tunes about bars and women
All the while the fine mullet shines
Sleeveless shall you be 'til the end of time

Assume The Position

How much are you willing to put up with? Is 50% not too much, cause they can make it higher. Oh, and they WILL make it higher. Just remain calm and continue paying. You don't want to be dead or in jail now do you? Didn't think so. So keep that money coming in, keep up that milk production. Their hands do not tire of squeezing, the tendons are like hydraulic pistons. The pistons are lubricated with your toil, with the value you bring to the world. They will take your worth and forge it into chains and you will fucking cheer about it. That one over there, he is not cheering about his chains, lynch him! We need some more buckets over here, we found a new teat to suck. Oh and the milk is so sweet!

Jerking My Chain

Legacy Evidence: More liberal, cool designs rejected, conservative ones accepted

My Legacy Practice: Submit more conservative designs

Their New Directive: New Design Desired! I don't know what, just something new.

My New Practice: Apprehensively design a variety of moderately more liberal designs.

Their Next Suggestion: Not radical enough! "I WANT TO GET YOU TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!" -Direct quote from management

My New Practice: Design cool, balanced new designs which are both conservative and liberal at the same time and which I am proud of.

Their Next Suggestion: Looks good, but try one version with a SLIGHT alteration to the legacy design

Final analysis: All new designs REJECTED, please continue to "develop" the SLIGHT alteration version.

!!!FUCK!!!

Evil Never Dies - The Return Of Muzak

MUZAK IS BACK!!! Like Sauron after losing his ring, (or Voldemort for that matter) the evil of Muzak (not really, some other kind of piped-in music) has only laid dormant at WKW Publications Dept., and not actually been vanquished. A new speaker of doom has been installed high above the drop ceiling, spreading its vile vibrations of wretched pop music. It is such a vulgar intrusion, such a violation of privacy, a hostile takeover of one's peace of mind! Although it is not pointing at me, the increased volume caused by this new evil speaker in concert with the standard metallic speaker in the lunchroom makes for a far more apparent level of acoustic noise.

Mr. Sad Pear is sad once again. But he is practicing his War Face…

Now I have to reach for the salve of headphones\earbuds and iTunes. Hey, I love listening to MY music, but usually when I want to, and not just to drown out some omnipresent ambient cacophony of mainstream dreck! The fan noise masks some of it, but of course there is NO escape once I leave the confines of my office. Although not evil in an objective sense, Muzak is the next most evil thing in the subjective realm. It just pisses me off that the useful PA is tied in with the Muzak. That's just cruel.

I remember my old job - crammed in a small room with a Muzak speaker directly overhead. If it were not for the gracious wall-mounted volume knob that situation would have been like a non-lethal poison gas shower. Can you imagine such horrors?

If I were smart I would have concocted a plan which would make it easy to quit my job at any moment. Just imagine having the financial freedom to tell your employer where to stick it. Instead I have to put up with this Muzak shit because the alternative is worse. But that does not stop me from fantasizing about smashing the amplifier with an axe, or getting a ladder and cutting the wires. What's wrong with us? Why do we need constant noise!?

Unrealistic Beauty Standards Revealed

The following image may shock you, but it reveals the depths to which the depraved cretins in the model railroading industry will sink to portray an unrealistic standard of beauty for plastic HO scale figures.

For years plastic figures have had their self-esteem calculated solely by their similarity in appearance to the celebrity plastic figures shown in magazines and advertisements. They thought these figures were the highest standard of beauty, and since they couldn't live up to such attractiveness, their most precious self-esteem has been lowered by approximately 0.275 esteemons per year.

But this is merely a deception, because the celebrity figures we so adore are not what they seem. Sure, they may be above average in hunkiness factor, but they have had the help of digital manipulations! Lies! Photoshoppery! Do not believe these charlatans!

You may look just as good as the moderately handsome plastic figure in the Before photo, but you are made to believe that such adonis-like specimens in the After photo actually exist when it is merely a pixelated deception!

Sorry For My English

I think certain native English speakers, namely the dolts who use horrible text-messaging shorthand to express their vapid thoughts, ought to take a lesson from non-native English speakers and politely apologize at the beginning or end of every moronic post.

So instead of:

"lmfao this vid. if fucking helarious"

How about:

"lmfao this vid. if fucking helarious sorry for my english"

That way they at least admit they suck. A small courtesy if nothing else. Since it's apparently too much to ask to actually care about what you write, or to take the smallest amount of effort to pen a coherent thought, this concession would be a nice substitute. Normally you see someone from France, Japan, Germany or wherever end or begin their posts with a gracious "Sorry for my English" which is often overstated because usually their English is just fine. This is not the case with the average teenage blockhead from middle America who is FAR more deserving of such an apology\disclaimer.

"srry 4 my englsh, i am only 17 yrs old from iowa wit a decade of skooling in english but ur totalay a fag if U think taht is kewl u natzi looser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(No offense to Iowa, I just picked a state.)

Living The Dream

I don't think it's truly healthy to actually have idols or role models that you look up to or want to emulate. But that feeling is still there. It would be wrong to want to pattern your own life off someone else, but sometimes you see a template that you wish you had so badly. Todd Schorr is such a person for me. It didn't take a whole lot of convincing evidence either, just a couple of videos and a blurb on a website.

Todd Schorr is living the artist's dream. This guy does what he wants, sells what he wants and makes a living doing it. What else can you ask for? He does commissioned paintings, but HE suggests to the patron what HE wants to do! That's so AWESOME! He said he will make one sketch of an idea for a painting, present it to the client and if they don't like it that's the end of it. THAT is true liberty, THAT is true power! Can you imagine such freedom? It's insane.

Just read this glorious FAQ from his site ww.toddschorr.com It makes me grin from ear to ear:

FAQ

1. Please do not ask if there is a print available that does not appear among the listings on the prints page. If it is not offered, it is not available. The availability of new prints and limited editions will be announced on the website as they become available.

2. I do not accept illustration work or commercial assignments. Existing images may be licensed for a fee depending on usage.

3. I do not accept “commissions.” The only commissions I work on are projects that I propose to interested select patrons.

4. All of the artworks that appear on my website are sold and reside in private and public collections. I do not have any artwork for sale. All inquiries regarding original artwork for sale must be directed to the galleries that handle my art. The availability of new work will be announced on the website as future gallery shows are scheduled.

Okay, so maybe there is a bit of middle man in there with galleries, but that still is miles removed from any top-down bureaucratic crap in the commercial art world. How fucking awesome is this guy's life? It's unbelievable!

You can easily get 50% of this equation without any problem. You can do exactly the art you want in your free time with no problem. But to actually have a market, to actually have enough people with enough money that they are willing to part with; enough to actually pay the bills of living, THAT is something which almost seems supernatural to me. That's like living in Lothlorien fer cryin' out loud.

Todd Schorr just fucking rules. More power to him and anyone like him.

If that's not enough he's got a cute wife and is a dead ringer for Gordon Freeman. (Todd, not his wife that is)

Schadenfreude

An empty celebration no doubt, but it still FEELS good. It doesn't mean morons stopped wanting to pay for obnoxious public music, it doesn't mean they're going out of business, but dammit I feel like celebrating anyway. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out!

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/02/11/muzak.bankruptcy/?iref=mpstoryview

Mister Sad Pear, chin up! Your time has come!

And We're Dissin' Them

"Forced out - brave and mighty
Stolen land - they cant fight it
Hold on - to pride and tradition
Even though they know how much
Their lives are really missin'
and we're dissin them
On reservations
A hopeless situation"

How are we, as listeners of Anthrax, to interpret this line in regards to Native Americans\Indians? We as a society are dissin' the Indians and that is bad, or we as in Anthrax are dissin' the indians for not standing up for themselves? I always thought there was some ambiguity there. It seemed like a pro-Indian message overall, but that dissin' line I always took to mean a criticism directed at the indians, but perhaps not.

Northern USA: Shut Up About Snow Already

I'm sick and tired of people and the media crowing on and on about SNOW. Fer the love of mike, if you live in places like Wisconsin, Minnesota, Colorado and numerous other states where it snows…hello people: IT SNOWS DURING WINTER! Every damn snowfall is treated like a serious disaster. The tsunami - THAT was a fucking cataclysm. Thousands of people dead. Snowing in the midwest is normal, innocuous weather behavior, it's nothing to get worked up over. So you have to shovel, so going to work is slow, so your car goes into the ditch…so what? How long have you lived here anyway? The way people act around here you'd think they lived in Arizona their entire lives and just moved to Wisconsin. It snows in the winter, it happens every year. What is the big deal?

Naughty vs. Nice: YouTube & Flickr Commentary

As a unrecovering screen addict, I find myself quite often on both YouTube.com and Flickr.com. Both of these sites share a fundamental purpose: they display a small rectangle with an image in it posted by a certain user and below the image other users comment on it. YouTube does moving images and Flickr does stills (I know they do video too, but nevermind that for now…personally I never watched any video on Flickr). However, there are dramatic fundamental differences in the commentary:

YouTube comments are generally crude, nasty, mean-spirited, stupid, childish, horribly written and filled with senseless arguments between commenters often about issues outside of the subject of the video itself. No matter WHAT the video is about, if it has comments at all odds are good that they will be crude and moronic. The overriding impression I get from reading YouTube comments is that humanity is a vulgar assembly of idiots and the sooner the human race is wiped out the better.

Flickr comments are almost entirely positive, filled with gushing praise about the photograph, slightly better spelling\grammar and users are constantly heaping praise, respect and admiration and "awards" upon one another. On Flickr one even feels uncomfortable about offering any kind of criticism whatsoever of a photo, even if it is not negative. The overall impression is one of good cheer and mutual respect.

Nothing on YouTube is safe from an outright ad hominem attack for no good reason. People feel entirely comfortable telling you your video sucks, that you're a stupid faggot or use whatever manner of nasty insults they feel like posting. Nobody bothers to capitalize their sentences, use punctuation of any kind and most of the words are loaded with annoying text message acronyms.

What could possibly account for this discrepancy? Why is YouTube such a magnet for the worst in human behavior and Flickr is the opposite? My theory has been that people will behave more graciously towards one another when the communication is not solely text-based. Text-only allows people to hide behind a mask of anonimity so there is less pressure to not act like a jackass. I thought that if you knew what a person looked like from a still photo you would be nicer, and then I thought for sure if you posted a VIDEO of yourself then for sure people would be nicer since that's even closer of a representation of a real person. But apparently this theory doesn't hold on YouTube.

Why is Fabric a Femenine Material for Crafts?

Why is it that amongst the numerous crafts humans engage in, that men in general don't work with fabric or cloth? Men will work with wood, metal, stone, paper, plastic, but cloth—not so much. Why is that? Men don't sew things or knit things; the only time I've ever seen a man sew something was a leather motorcycle seat on a TV show. But by and large men just don't like joining two bits of cloth with thread whereas they will gladly join wood or weld sheets of metal together. These are all sweeping generalizations I know, and I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions but it would seem that the overriding consensus is that fabric is in the realm of femenine things. It just seems odd. But in my own experience there is some kind of biological repulsion to sewing. My mom once showed me how to crochet, but it was like showing a dog a card trick. I held the needles as if they were artifacts from another universe…my mind could not figure out how to use them. It was a hopeless thing. But in the hands of a woman she had created a hat within minutes. How is it that these skills are so seemingly restricted by gender?