Jail Now or Hell Later?

Ranting and arguing about religion can be a real mess. People on all sides can get their fur up in a hurry. To a ticked off atheist religion can seem like a violent, hateful, abusive thing that needs to be done away with. Holy wars, genocides, inquisitions, witch hunts, crusades, social oppression, genital mutilation, suicide bombings all in the name of God...there's no shortage of bloodshed out there. Even without all the gore, safe in our relatively peaceful neighborhoods watching TV and surfing the web, religion may still seem like a terrible surrender of the mind. To willingly give up the beauty of truth for potentially more beautiful poetry and passionate feelings with little basis. As much as I sympathize with those angry, anti-religious feelings, I have to put it in the proper prospective. The way I see it, compared to government, religion is a walk in the park.

It true that I view both entities as two fangs of a serpent which will poison you and suck your life out, to borrow a phrase from Bill Hicks (the actual phrase goes something like, '...These vampire priests with their twin fangs of guilt and sin who suck all the joy of life out of you...') But if we put aside the bad behavior of a few people who are religious and focus instead on the religous dogma itself, we can see that all the nastiness is superficial, or rather supernatural. And if not supernatural, at least post mortem. All the horrible sounding threats religion has to offer all occur after we die. I can't help but think, *meh*.

I mean, gnashing of teeth? How bad could it be? Don't they have plastic dental appliances for that? Maybe get your teeth replaced with teflon dentures before you die, problem solved. Also, in hell everyone will be fit and trim. I know, I've seen some of the famous paintings of Judgement Day and it doesn't look too bad. There's not too many fatties around. With our obsession with fitness and weight loss this could be something to look forward too. And a lot of those demons are wicked cool looking. How often do you get to see a guy walking around with chicken feet in the mortal world? It'll be like a day at the circus in Hell! And you know damn well they will have the best musicians. No question about that!

The point is, all the scary stuff the priest tries to spook you with can be safely dismissed. For one, this information has all come from LIVING people. Dead people don't write Bible stories. How credible are these accounts anyway? Bobby "Blitz" Ellsworth of New York metal band Overkill once told us "I've been to Hell and back so many times before", but the church has so far refused to update the Bible with his first-hand accounts. A glaring ommission! Just how real is the threat of Hell given this scant evidence?

Government on the other hand, represents a very real, tangible threat to our happiness. Like many people, I have a 9-5 job at a company. I love my job and enjoy doing what I do. It's rewarding work and I'm glad to have the opportunity to get paid to do it. But all is not well. A great deal of that reward is pissed away in taxation. The government takes a big taste before I even get my money, and then when I go to spend it they take another taste. If I go to work too fast they'll try to take another taste if they can. They've taken a taste from all the other people I might want to buy stuff from, driving up the price. They've got their grubby fingers poking into places they don't belong with page after page of rules and regulations the business owner has got to follow. They don't trust anyone to be safe, they have to treat grown adults like children and nanny them into submission.

Ages ago you may very well be afraid of crusaders raiding your village and forcing you to adopt their religion of choice with a spear aimed at your chest. These days the church has tamed down quite a bit. Nowadays you'll never see a priest pull a man over and ask to see his church papers. A pack of rabbis aren't cruising the streets making sure you aren't selling any non-Kosher food. Let's say you're a real asshole; treating people like dirt, lying cheating and stealing from your neighbor. You simply show up in that 'ol confession box, say you're sorry and you'll walk out sentenced to little more than a few Hail Marys and Our Fathers. That's light compared to what the government is gonna do to you.

Even if you aren't a total asshole the government will try to fuck with you. You won't be able to let people smoke in your own restaurant or business, even inside your own fucking car. You won't be allowed to gamble with your own money, but the government will gamble with yours. You won't be allowed to take certain drugs or food. The government thinks it knows how to live your life. Their organization may only be a word and a thought in our minds, but these are real people commanding other very real people with very real guns to take your liberty from you. Religion only has empty threats and guilt. It's all symbolic. The government means business. The government won't even allow religious crackpots to kill THEMSELVES if they can help it fer cripes sakes!

Adopting religious faith in your life is what I would call 'relatively harmless'. Yeah it might not make a lot of sense, it might offer a false sense of security, it might abdicate some personal responsibility, it might cause me to roll my eyes and grumble; but compared with the true, verifiable evil possible with an out-of-control federal government, I will gladly take the Jesus freaks any day! When the government 'passes the plate' and you don't put anything in there you're going to jail. Do the same at church and well...they might just have to cancel friday night bingo!