Move Over Big Mother

I was reading a Wisconsin government website about various sorts of traffic laws and safety issues. I heard on the radio there was some new "Move Over" law about how you've gotta slow down or merge into the opposite lane if a cop is on the side of the road, or (of course) get a $250 fine. Apparently some workers were killed by a passing motorist at some point. No doubt about it, that's very tragic and sad. But if I have one wish it's that if I am ever killed, please don't pass a new fucking law in my name! Stop it! Every time an accident happens we don't need new laws. There will come a day when there are more laws than there are people to break them. Cops will have to go out and do pre-emptive arrests. Round up and handcuff two dozen people in a shopping mall, "Sorry folks, just a formality, we're going ot have to hold you here until the laws you're breaking are signed off on. We don't know what you've been accused of quite yet, but rest assured you are probably breaking the law."

Anyway, back to the traffic advice on the government site. To tell you the truth, it wasn't bad stuff. Most of it was common sense, good advice. Oh sure, there was the obligatory sob story about the poor poor police and their difficult jobs, but that's to be expected. In fact, my thoughts reading much of it was, "Well, duh!" Yeah, it's a bad idea to drive fast on icy roads. Yeah, it's a bad idea to follow too close to the guy in front of you at freeway speeds. Yes, you should be careful when merging. A lot of it sounded like things that would occur naturally to people even if this wasn't coming from on the high mountain where the holy bureaucrats live. You know, by driving. Problem is, after the end of all this good, common sense advice you might expect from one's own mother you have to add the phrase "OR ELSE!" Government gives you this 'good advice' while suggestively patting the palm of their hand with a baseball bat.

This "move over law" crap has got me a little ticked off. I don't want cops to get sideswiped on the road or anything, but do we really need yet another means of money collection? In my experience the presence of police on the road causes more problems than when they're not there. If you are headed to work on schedule rest assured if you are unlucky enough to have a police car get in front of you in the right lane you are NOT going to make it on time. That cop car is radiating an invisible wave of fear and intimidation in all directions! It's kind of like that 'patronus' charm Harry Potter casts in the movie, except that the Dementers are us. Nobody will DARE pass him in the left lane no matter the speed. The fear is almost palpable. It's like every person in that pack of cars is quaking in their shoes. Cars will continue to pile up behind for a quarter mile. The ones in the back won't know what's going on. I see it happen just about every time. In rare, VERY rare occasions I have gathered the courage to pass a cop in the left lane, but I practically had cotton mouth doing it! And I took my dear sweet time doing it, gazing at the speedometer every two seconds. It's probably irrational fear, he's probably not going to pull me over, but this is what cops can do to people's minds.

And truly, what is the point of the move over law when GAPERS BLOCK is practically a law of human nature anyway? No matter what, if there's a squad pulled off to the side rest assured it will be causing a traffic jam of one degree or another. I have rarely seen anyone blowing by a copper at normal freeway speed. Everyone slows down to see what's going on. I wouldn't be surprised if there are more rear-ender accidents on the roads if people are going to start obeying this law and dropping 20mph whenever they sight a cop on the road.

Why not put all of this into high gear? Let's fast forward and get right into full-on, total government control of ALL transportation. Let's have no more individually-driven cars and trucks, let's just have giant conveyor belts moving constantly at 15mph all through the country. You sign up for what time you need to get on the belt to go to work and a government worker will come to your house to strap you onto the conveyor belt with your helmet, knee pads, safety harness, Nerf-fortified leotard, airbag and parachute and off you go to work. Isn't it great? Ooh it's almost like a roller coaster in the days of old! (you know, before they were banned) Oh and coming next will be eliminating all non-government jobs too, so you'll be assigned your National Service Duty soon, sonny. Hopefully it won't be far from your cubicle so you won't have to spend much time on the belt anyway. Ahh, what a brave new world of freedom and liberty. Thank you Big Mother! All good things flow from your infinite care and wisdom for our well being! Let us suckle at your nuturing bosom for all time! Amen!