King Kong

There's a lot of disbelief I am willing to suspend for a movie, but breaking the laws of physics isn't one of them. I recently rented Peter Jackson's remake of "King Kong" and while I think it was an excellent, highly entertaining movie with some of the most intense action sequences I've ever seen, I can't help but think that the entire cast should have been killed halfway into the movie. The fact that any human in that movie survived to return to New York city is bordering on ludicrous.

The movie was doing fine up until Kong first appears and takes Anne from the sacrificial bamboo platform thing. Anne was unable to free herself from the ropes which is understandable, as is the fact that an ape the size of Kong would have no difficulty breaking the ropes. But the problem is that the ropes are severed by Kong pulling on Anne's entire body. Folks, if you were tied to a tree with rope and I lifted your body up with a forklift the first thing to break is going to be your arms, not the rope. So Anne should have had either broken or dismembered arms for the remainder of the film.

Shortly after that Anne is subjected to intense abuse which would seem equivalent or worse than anything felt on a roller coaster or test pilot trial. If not showing the numerous broken bones she would have suffered while being inside Kong's grip I would have at least liked to see Anne vomit all over the place after being shook up like a can of soda. I honestly don't think a human would have survived the initial battery of Kong running through the jungle. She might have been okay clinging to his back, but in his palm as he was running? She would've been crushed over and over again! If not crushed, then subjected to massive G forces! Am I crazy on this?

The rest of the cast would've certainly all been trampled in the path of the charging dinosaurs. Of course it was exciting, but it's this denial of physical reality in movies which drives me nuts. I can accept giant beasts falling through vines, but I can't accept that shot where Jack Black and crew are finally dropped to the ground after being thrown from the log because it's like a fucking 30 foot drop! It's like falling off a two story house onto rock and expecting to get up afterward with only a few groans. You can fall off a step ladder and not get up fer crying out loud.

I want to see action movies where people get hurt and can't go on, like in the real world. It would be terrible cinema and not the least bit exciting, but dammit, I'D go see that movie! *sigh*